it all started with nutella. too much nutella, in fact. i knew it was a bad idea buying that whole big jar. i began to be addicted right away. it was like a drug to me. i had to have it every night. even the thought of it made me happy:) well, now look what has happened. serves me right. the slightest pain of sore throat hit me yesterday and its become worse. no more chocolate. no more max brenners. no more koko black. no more sfilitano and freddos. hmph.

however, i got a load of "chocolate" in another way. i watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. to my surprise, i did enjoy it. i guess i have Kim to thank. haha. we were laughing the whole way through-believe it or not. the thing that made us crack up the most was Grandpa Joe. those who have already watched it, will understand. before the movie, i assumed that i would be all "weird" and that sort. but surprisingly, willy wonka didn't turn out to be all that bad. he was "weird" but i loved his lines. snappy with a touch of intelligence to it. hehe. nothing can beat Grandpa Joe. he's the best. tee hee.

now, nothing works. strepsils suck. difflam makes me want to puke. honey+lemon=no effect. panadol? nah, i take it too much. vitamin c? i think i have already overdosed myself.

i need to get herbal leaves. maybe, from an asian grocery store? back to old traditional chinese medicine. cos, doctors here suck.
argghhhh this is what you get when you've had too much chocolate.

thank god i kept telling myself it was 'just a phase'.
i would have done something id regret for the rest of my life.
so now that it's over, things are back to being normal again.
weird normal. but its fine with me. weird-normal-good.

my weekend seemed like it came and gone, just in a flash. the last thing i remember was cracking lame jokes with kim. both my psyc lab report and crim presentation were due this morning. thank god for alysha's help.wouldnt have been able to finish my report in a week if it wasn't for her guidance *thanks babe, i owe you one* the presentation this morning turned out fine, except for that bit of technical problem which they managed to fix at the last minute. phew. i presented this show entitled

The People Vs. Larry Flynt
you guys should seriously watch it. it's quite a good movie. well, at least i thought it was good in relevance to my presentation on labelling perspectives.
p/s: Bav, ure sure to like it. it's got a lot of pornography-your kinda thing:)
okay, before anyone jumps to conclusions, no-it is most certainly not some rented porno/sex video shit. the movie is as quoted by some annonymous person : Flynt is the story of Porn magazine chairman Larry Flynt (played by Woody Harrelson) who amidst an era of overwhelming decadance launched Hustler magazine, a porn magazine that broke all taboos and crossed all boundaries. The magazine was a huge hit that transformed Flynt into a powerful figure in the American Community. Needless to say though, Flynt faces insurmountable odds from everyone to keep the business running. Politicians, reverends, mass public opposition et.al.. Flynt is accompanied along the way by his junkie wife (played with real panache by Courtney Love) and a reluctant lawyer (dependable performance from Edward Norton Jr.). At the midway point of the film Flynt is shot and paralyzed and consequently the fight to stay on top is made even more challenging.

one more stupid microecons test tomorrow.
nine chapters. sixteen multiple choice. fifety-five minutes.
wouldn't be too hard, would it?
looks like i need to cram everything up tonight.

im so relieved that everything has gone back to the way they were.
but why do i still feel so trapped?
why do i still feel like there's something missing?
it only makes me want to look for it more and get myself into more shit.
sigh. i hate not knowing what to do. even worse when there isn't anything i can do.

...

but we all know one thing i must do at the moment.
yes, yes. im going to open my econs book now.

...

this is byfar the biggest, biggest mistake of my life.
i know i shouldn't have fallen into this.
i knew from the start. i told myself.
but why didnt i listen from the very beginning?
is it because i took things for granted?
now everything has changed. for the worse.
i dont know how to face this anymore.
i dont know what to say, or what to do when i see you.
just one night. and it changed everything.
everything we spoke about, laughed about.
it's all gone now.
i dont even know you anymore.
i dont even know me anymore.
im really sorry i ruined everything.
i pray for everything to go back to normal.
but can it?
will you allow it?
that too, i am not sure.
hope is what ill keep doing.
for that one day to come.

im sorry, really sorry.

vic finally had her chance to go to the famous Crown Casino.
after exploring may's new apartment@South Yarra, we headed straight off to Greco's for dinner/dessert. may's place was magnificently beautiful, which suits her posh "chi-chi" sort of personality:)
dinner was great. had the best coffee tiramisu in Melbourne, so far (apart from Freddo's tiramisu ice cream)

my yummy coffee tiramisu/may and i/all of us/may and mel

in the middle of dinner, may's jacket got stained. so kev suggested she use soda water to get it off.
i was not at all bothered at first, but later on, it started to get quite interesting. haha.

this is kev posing for the camera, along with me, trying to be his sidekick.blergh.

okay, then we got bored and under vic's supervision, we decided to create the "perfect poser" picture.
and yes, i know i look stooopid.

Life isn't always what it seems to be. It isn't always filled with tra la las and la di das.
Sometimes, you have to expect the unexpected.
Sometimes, you're trapped in life's little games.
Dealing with your own uncertainties in life can be a handful.
One can only do so much than hope for something better to come along.

two worlds exists in my life presently. both worlds that give me an abundance of love. both worlds that i now call 'home'. most people would die to have 'two homes', some don't even have a place to call home. that's what's most ironic. having said all this, i still am not content and will never be, no matter where i am.

i should stop feeling like this. god forbid, im only 19. why should i have to go through this weird emotional phase. and no, it should not be acclaimed as an 'everyone-goes through-this-in life' phase. the more people think this way, the more they get dragged into this whole mess.

why will i never learn? when am i going to realise that hope isn't all that i need? i need something more than that. something bigger. better. what is it going to take for me to wake up and see that this is nothing but a dream.

i need a wake up call. i need to expect less from other people. if i do that, i'd be able to hope for less of my wants and maybe , just maybe, id be more happy with the way things are.

Freak Snow Blankets Southern Australia

Extreme weather has dumped the most widespread snow on Victoria for decades and has forced the closure of several major highways and schools.

Bureau of Meteorology senior forecaster Scott Williams said the snow caused by cold air rushing up from the Antarctic had fallen at sea level and on beaches right across southern Victoria.

"I'd have to say it is the most widespread I've seen in my 21 years at the bureau," he said.

On a Victoria-wide scale, it looks set to be the coldest day this winter."
Mr Williams predicts the cold snap will blow over by the weekend.
He said snow had not fallen in Melbourne's suburbs since June 25, 1986, while the last major Melbourne snowfall was in 1951.

Melbourne's coldest day so far this winter was July 9, when the temperature peaked at 10.3.

Today, Melbourne's temperature has already topped five degrees, so the record for the coldest day with a maximum of 4.4 degrees - set on July 4, 1901 - won't be broken.

Snow has already fallen in the low-lying townships of Ballarat, in central Victoria, and Colac and Winchelsea, in the state's south-west.

taken from The Age, 10.05.2005

yes, its snowing in Melbourne. can you believe it? though, there is no sign of this in the city. it's been reaaally cold today. im still freezing my arse off out there. i need my trench. i know, i know. i should have gotten it a long time ago. thanks to me being soo entirely fussy about everything. mel says i shouldn't care about looking good anymore. i should get myself warm first.this is soo going to be the last time im blogging about this.
chapel st, here i come. just two more days!
they better not be selling spring stuff now.
*crosses fingers and prays hard*
*real hard*

the dinner party mel and i had planned for two weeks was a huge success. we actually decided to hold it in the occassion of our "newly refurnished" apartment which we've also put much effort into. hopefully, the visits to ikea+freedom+the many melbourne markets have paid off.

that night was planned to be a dinner party with just a few friends over, while mel and i would show-off one of our many talents in "cooking". we even made our guests little invites with their names on them. haha. so anyway, the food turned out great and the night was even greater. considering it was potluck, we had a little too much to eat but it was all good-mind you, everything else was made from scratch! the best thing that turned out that night happen to be our chocolate mousse, not knowing it was that easy to make. we, girls had one hell of a night-bitching and gossiping, laughing and piggingout. its no wonder we did not wake up till 4pm the next day.

the living room/the living room again/the food/l-r:mei,vic,may,yen/vic+yen+mei/the hosts

these are more random photos ...

side table/black+white/coloured/melookingstupid/prettycandles/vic-fascinated with the lamp/yen and i

if you're wondering why this entry is named "ebony&ivory"...
it happened to be the dresscode for that night.
may got fined. she was in bright pink

seldom do i let out my anger/frustration. the only person who would disagree would probably be bennet-the unfortunate being that has to take all my shit.

all of a sudden, i feel so tired. tired of all this pretentious act. for once, i would like to just let loose and be myself. it scares me sometimes to think that i land up being one of "them". "them" meaning those people who put up a fancy little act in front of you. just to please others and get a little span of attention. it makes me sick to see how far a person is willing to go just to reassure him/herself how much better he/she is.

why is the world turning so shallow? everything around is beginning to lose its meaning. it doesnt really matter anymore if you were thoughtful or if you've decided to be a little more considerate to others. everything you do now is judged by the clothes you wear, or the amount of bags you have, or whether or not you finally got the shoes that 'were-to-die-for' which probably cost more than what your father could afford 20 years ago.

why can't life play a more meaningful role? or am i just not seeing the light? am i still caught in this web of deceit? something tells me that there is more to life than this. that i am here for a reason. being the dream-less person i am, i've never really learnt to see beyond the line. the line that draws between me and reality.

i'm not always who i want to be. in some ways or another, i hope to be a better person. someone better that makes her life more valuable and meaningful. sometimes, i think i'm too patient, too tolerant and too understanding. the real problem lies with the fact that i may be too afraid to face something/someone. i often burden myself with other people's problems. i'd rather endure the pain than to go right up to that person and tell him/her off. but there's only so much a person can take. when will i ever learn my lesson? bennet's right. i'm too much of a softy and i "bother" too much. i have to learn to ignore. to be a snub-whatever you call it. my attempts of trying too hard often lands me up in frustration and resentment.

i don't want to feel this way- but don't piss me off. don't send me off to my threshold and send me to hell.

i'm only like this when i'm angry and when everything else around me seems hopeless.please bare with me. i need to rant this out.fume about it. then ill be okay. i need to be okay now. blerrghhh. angry=rant=fume

one week=sevendays.
thats how long ive been back in good ol melbourne.my first week of my second semester has officially started. just like last semester, i was caught up with my subject selections. the Student Information System webpage must have been the most frequent website ive ever visited in my whole schooling life. haha. so, ive closed the case and have settled with

316102 Introductory Microeconomics
316130 Quantitative Methods 1
191101 Perspectives on Crime and Criminals
512121 Social, Development and Clinical Psychology 1

the funny thing is, my subjects already make it seem like im taking a commerce/arts degree-2 commerce + 2 arts. but the truth is, im not. at least not yet. i am planning to apply once this semester is over. looks like im not the only one that's going to be stuck in melbourne for another 4˝years-am so happy that yen decided to do a double degree in commerce/science. though her timetable isnt very appealing to me but at least she's happy with what she's doing. after three lectures of psyc, im beginning to find it so much more interesting. this semester's psyc is wayy better than last semester's. goodbye behavioural neuroscience, hello human development. the lectures were so interestng because there were more videos shown to us and learning about babies and kids really is quite fascinating. plus, they're so adorable.

the past week of shopping has been great. no, this time- i ain't shopping for clothes or shoes. mel and i have been shopping for the interior of our apartment and it has been wayy fun. we've both seen enough candles to last us a lifetime but all in, we've made progress. the house isnt exactly finished as there are still some items "missing". ill def post photos up once it's complete. ahhh. can't wait.

there is this other thing that's keeping us on our toes. it's sort of a surprise so i shall not mention it here. just six days in counting and we'll see:)
*jumps in anticipation*

a picture of mel and i, at the tram stop.